Game of Thrones & Donuts

I am not a subscriber to HBO and had therefore never watched the epic and highly celebrated series Game of Thrones. I was aware of its existence, but only after listening to one of my patients exclaim about it, did I decide to watch it. He told me that it would be violent, have a lot of nudity, and be magical (dragons ......... more »

Just Own-Up

You want to gain respect and higher standing? Just apologize when you mess up. It is so simple but so few people seem willing to do it. It seems that examples abound. For sake of ease, I will share with you one of the latest examples in my life. I have a business relationship with a man who agreed to help me with an......... more »

It’s Just a Half-inch

A few weeks ago I posted an article about practicing gratitude even in the storm of discomfort and suffering. That article was precipitate by a nine-month sports injury and finally surgery.  I am currently in the recovery mode with physical therapy twice weekly. I hope to get the bright shiny heavy-gage stainless stee......... more »

Boundaries of Intimacy

I am not sure how the usage of the word “intimacy” became synonymous with sex, but in most circles it has. We hear it on the news, in public presentations, and in articles. While I believe “making love” by definition is an act of intimacy, having sexual intercourse itself is not necessarily. As we know, these t......... more »

Our Secrets Make Us Sick

If you have not discovered the entertaining series 800 Wordson Amazon Prime yet, you may wish to check it out. While it does not tout being a series about “aging” it is flush with the topic. Remember we are ALL aging no mater where we are on the developmental chart. Mild spoiler alert…I am drawing attention to......... more »

Goal-Setting and Emotions

Thanking about setting some goals for this year? Psychologists have learned that how we describe a goal actually influences the emotional experience of pursuing that goal. Specifically, they have identified three types of personal goals we humans set, and discovered that each goal type has its own emotional profile. ......... more »

Two Views of Manhood

A First Glance I exited childhood in the 1950’s with beliefs about “being a man” that have gradually become myths to me over the last 60 years. I believed what I was taught back then – just by watching and listening:To be a respectable man, I must have a successful career Competition brings out the best i......... more »

Do You Want to Be Right or Happy?

Choices, Choices, Choices All of us face decisions every day that potentially affect our emotional well-being. Some of these decisions are small and insignificant (i.e., chocolate or vanilla ice cream?) Other decisions appear to be much more significant (i.e., should I retire at age 65 or 70?) Research has found two p......... more »

On “Going to Hell in a Hand Basket”

Three of my friends suffered much in the last year: one woman grieved the unexpected loss of a spouse of several decades; another suffered permanent disability in a bicycle accident; and a physically active, heath-conscious man was hit with a severe medical diagnosis. Although very painful and life changing, these e......... more »

Reframing Anxiety

Attached to the back side of our garage is a built-on storage “cabinet” about four feet in height. When we moved into our place about four years ago, I noticed that cabinet had considerable wear and tear, but I continued to store unimportant and miscellaneous items in it. Then THE tree struck it. Actually, two y......... more »

On Making Retirement Satisfying…for Men.  It’s not what we do… It’s what we experience.

  When I began talking about my own retirement a few years ago, I got one response more often than any other. “Oh, congratulations; what are you going to do?” Always, the emphasis was on the word do.  It gradually dawned on me this question was familiar, not new. When men meet, it is common to begin by ......... more »

Dealing With Anxiety…Naturally

How Much Is Too Much? Anxiety is part of life -- we all feel it from time to time. In fact we would be in trouble if we felt no anxiety whatsoever. However, the majority of we Americans deal with anxiety either in ineffective ways or get hooked on powerful and addictive medications/substances. Once hooked, many report......... more »

Finding the Right Emotion Word

Over and over, men hear some version of the same question: “What are you feeling?” It’s a question many men finding annoying, unnecessary, even accusatory. From boyhood on, many men (especially older men) have been socialized to not pay attention to their emotions. Their rationale: if they express an emotion like......... more »

Once More, With Feeling…  Good Communication begins with Empathetic Listening

  Last month I wrote about the fifteen different ways Cognitive-Behavioral expert David Burns suggested that we can communicate badly, beginning with the need to defend our “truth.” Not to worry if you don’t remember more than 2 or 3 of those 15 communication “potholes. “ The details are less importan......... more »

On Becoming A Quitter…Or Not: Part 2

Perhaps the reason I was never given the opportunity to get on the football field in high school was because I had no talent. I don't know how any coach would know that, since I was never allowed to try, but it was certainly one explanation. However, I had suspicions that it may have been related to my 8th grade experi......... more »

Men and Emotions

Men are often lampooned for their reluctance to express the full range of emotions. “Why can’t he just tell me what he’s feeling?”   Or, “I wish he wouldn’t clam up when I ask him about something emotional!” Though it may not seem like it sometimes, men are born with limbic systems – the parts of t......... more »

Would You Drive Blindfolded?

Another cyclist died. Killed by a car. This cyclist was a brilliant 25-year-old teacher who led a group of cyclists on a cross-country trip to raise money for affordable housing projects. It happened on a Thursday morning in Oklahoma. The driver apparently reported to police that she had been looking down at her cell p......... more »

To Life!

In “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye and Lazar Wolf joyously celebrate their agreement on Lazar’s engagement to Tzeitel by toasting, “L’Chaim”—“To Life!” Their duet goes on to playfully contrast the joys and sorrows of life, with the repeated exclamation that despite the times of confusion, sadness, or ......... more »