Ask Dr Tim: As a mom I always…

Q: As a mom I always seem to have time for others (family/friends), but not for myself. How do I create time for myself and not live like a martyr?
Beth

A: Perhaps the first thing to look at is where this comes from. Did you learn this independently or from your family system? Pretty good chance you were taught this through the actions of others. Did your parent’s actions model this “martyrdom”? Or perhaps was their style the opposite; not giving any time to the kids? If so, your behavior may be compensation for what you did not get. Either way, you likely came by it “honestly”.
Is it okay for you to take time for yourself? Some people feel guilty for being “selfish” which isn’t really being selfish at all. The fact is that we must take care of ourselves first (just like on the airlines) before being of help to our family and friends. If we are out of balance, we will be snarky and resentful. Of course that is no good for anyone.

Dr. Tim