Ask Dr. Tim: My daughter thinks I drink too much.

Q

My daughter thinks I drink too much. She also thinks I work too hard. And, she thinks I spend too much money on her. She was a worrywart even as a young child, always having to take care of the family. If we were out walking on the beach she would have us move further away from the water to be sure we weren’t swept away. I love her tremendously but she drives me nuts sometimes. I have a hard time convincing her that her father can take care of himself. She doesn’t do this with everyone else in the family, just me. In fact she has had a strained relationship with her mother for years.

Curt

A

Dear Curt,

Your daughter certainly sounds like a caring young woman. And it sounds like she may even place everyone else before herself, but especially you. While it appears that she loves you, that love can be smothering. Smothering love often is a symptom of something else. If she is smothering to boyfriends or a husband, that could be different than focusing her smothering emotions just on you. It sounds like this could be a classic example of Freud’s Oedipal Complex. Well-intentioned people often misunderstand this theory. He suggested that a little girl could be so connected to her daddy that when she grows up, she wants to “marry” him. This phenomenon, when not dealt with by the parents often causes marital conflicts. Complicated emotions can be involved here and you may wish to take a look at them.

But then on the other hand, perhaps you just: drink too much, work too hard, and spend too much money on her! If so…stop it!

Dr. Tim