Ask Dr. Tim: I am 53-years-old and have been married four times…

Q

I am 53-years-old and have been married four times. My sister calls me crazy but I think I would like to finally find a good wife. I have checked out the main bars in town but the “crop” of women doesn’t look to good for this season. Any ideas?

Billy

A

Dear Billy,

I think I see a couple things wrong with this picture. For one you have been married four times. That would suggest you either have a “picker problem” or you bring a lot of negatives into the relationships. If you are primarily looking for a good and stable relationship in a bar, well…that may be your first hint. It isn’t that you can’t find wonderful people in a bar, but you may wish to be especially careful. If the people you connect with either abuse or are addicted to alcohol you have an immediate challenge on your hands. Likewise if you either abuse or are addicted to alcohol, they have an immediate challenge on their hands. Healthy relationships and alcohol abuse do not mix well. You may want to look in other places where some healthy people may be. Though I still hear a lot of negative comments about computer dating, it actually makes a lot of sense to me. Your opportunities are much greater than the dozen or so women you will regularly run into at the corner bar. Just be honest and go slowly. For example first meet for coffee. If that goes well, try a dinner, etc. There is a lot going on with your question but this may be a good starting place for you.

Dr. Tim