Ask Dr. Tim: “I would like to push him in front of a freight train!”

Q

I am a 53-year-old single mother with a 23-year-old son. I continue to struggle in therapy with the fact that my father began sexually abusing me when I was about 6-years-old. As bad as that was, what is even worse is that I just lately discovered that my father also molested my son when he was about the same age. Admittedly I have been angry with my mother for not protecting me from my father. Now, I am angry at myself for completely missing the abuse of my son. I think my son is about as angry with me as I have been with my own mother. It never dawned on me that my father would abuse a male child. If my father had not been killed in a car wreck a year ago, I would like to push him in front of a freight train! Am I wrong to feel this vindictive?

Cindy

A

Dear Cindy,

What a horrible tragedy you both have suffered. And, oh, what an all too common story of abuse. The good news is that you are engaged in the hard work of healing. For sure you can be expected to experience the full spectrum of emotions, including anger and vindication. Just as with you, one might expect your son would also have his own internal struggles, including being angry with you for “not protecting him”. Hopefully, the two of you can walk down that road together.

Dr. Tim