Ask Dr. Tim (Q&A)

Q I am a 53-year-old single mother with a 23-year-old son. I continue to struggle in therapy with the fact that my father began sexually abusing me when I was about 6-years-old. As bad as that was, what is even worse is that I just lately discovered that my father also molested my son when he was about the same age. A......... more »

Q I am a 56-year-old realtor. I have been through one marriage and am in trouble with my second. In both marriages my spouses have accused me of having an affair. It is untrue…maybe. Because I am so “disengaged” and spend most of my “free time” working, perhaps my work has become my “lover”. The fact is ......... more »

Q My 52-year-old sister supposedly was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about ten years ago. I guess it is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). As her brother I am 12 years her junior. Sure I have seen bizarre behavior from Jess before but I just don’t get it? It is suppose to come from traum......... more »

Q I am a 61-year-old female who has recently been diagnosed with something called "pseudo seizures". When I began having seizures several months ago it was as imagined very scary to both me and my family. My understanding, is that as the names suggests, they are not "really seizures". They certainly look and feel like......... more »

Q I am a 48-year-old Veteran out of the Middle East conflict. Yes I saw a lot of conflict; yes I had friends shot and killed; yes I was wounded…but for the likes of me I can’t figure out what that has to do with my “over the top” anger when someone tailgates me. After all, I was never “blown-up”. I have......... more »

Q I am 58-years-old and I still continue to hear the voice of my mother saying, “What is the matter with you…why can’t you be normal?” For the life of me, as a kid I didn’t know what that meant. I seemed to be like most other boys my age in school. I had a lot of energy but so did most of my friends. To this......... more »

Q I have been married over 40 years. I have been a professional in the business world and am now retired. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago and things are getting worse for me. As if the diagnosis wasn’t bad enough, how it effects with my family is the worse part. My husband and my three adult children all don�......... more »

Q Every since my husband retired 15 months ago our marriage has had more conflict. In the prior 37 years we had our ups and downs but nothing like this. I can’t figure out what has gone wrong. We were looking forward to spending more time together. Well, that has certainly happened. I wonder if we are spending too m......... more »

Q My 52-year-old husband was seen by one of my friends last week with another woman at a restaurant out of town. It appeared not to be a business meeting since they were reported to be holding hands and smiling at each other a lot. We have only been married for six years and I am devastated. I knew things have cooled ......... more »

Q My 73-year-old husband died last week. He had been in a coma for several weeks and was on a ventilator. The doctors said there had been no brain function for about two weeks. I kept hoping against all odds that he would miraculously just wake up. Then the day came when the doctors had “the talk” with me. My husb......... more »

Q My son is a 19-year-old college student here in Texas. I say he is sleep deprived but he doesn’t think so and suggests I don’t know what I am talking about. He usually gets to bed between 2:00-4:00am. He is either on his computer playing games (self report: “I am very good”) or up talking with his with frien......... more »

Q: You may not believe this but I am a 45-year-old virgin…well sort of. I have been married eight years now and have never had an organism during intercourse. We have three children. I was a “good protestant girl” growing up and was told that I would go to hell if I had premarital sex. I have been able to have a......... more »

Q I am 53-years-old and have been married four times. My sister calls me crazy but I think I would like to finally find a good wife. I have checked out the main bars in town but the “crop” of women doesn’t look to good for this season. Any ideas? Billy A Dear Billy, I think I see a couple things wrong wi......... more »

Q The other day my son accused me of having OCD.  While I have heard the term, I don’t really know what he is talking about. I don’t wash my hands more than I need to. Beside I have no idea what to do about it anyway. Hank A Dear Hank: As Dr. Travis Osborne of Seattle says, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (......... more »

Q I have two adult siblings. My older brother has always been “out there” when it comes to fitting into society. He is part hippy, part pothead, part intellect, and part narcissist. Frankly I have not enjoyed being around him for many years now. He has lived several states away and that has been just fine with me.......... more »

Q I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago. At first, I took the recommend medication (lithium). Everyone around me says it helped my moodiness and erratic behavior, but I didn’t like how it made me feel. I felt kind of flat and I gained some weight. My husband thinks I should go back to my doctor and......... more »

Q Ain our relationship. We are looking forward to retirement in two years but are in conflict over the next place to live. He wants to travel around the world like two hippies from the 60’s and I want to find a small cottage on the coast. Every time we try to discuss this we end up in an argument. I have no idea how......... more »

Q I am a 40-year-old single mom and I have an energetic 4-year-old daughter. My daughter’s father lives in another state and is pretty much a deadbeat. He is of little help both financially and emotionally. There are so many times that I get exhausted with my combined work and parenting. I hate it when I yell at my ......... more »

Q My wife of 35 years controls my life. She controls our money. She controls what our house looks like. She controls what I eat. She controls how I dress. She controls where we travel. She controls how I interact with our children. She controls our sex life. She controls what kind of car we have. She controls what col......... more »

Q I am a 46-year-old woman who is afraid to go to a job interview. I have been out of work for several months now. I actually am pretty skilled and have a decent resume. The problem is that as soon as I get into my car to go to an interview, I start to experience anxiety. The closer I get to the job site, the worse th......... more »

Q As a young girl my wife was exposed to sexual abuse. Apparently it occurred on a couple occasions. There are times now that she just shuts down to any physical touch. She will come home from work and just want to hibernate, not even wanting to be hugged. She says touch at that point can even bring physical pain to h......... more »

I returned a few weeks ago from a fun-filled week hiking on the coast with some buddies. While I have a history of back pain, carrying the heavy pack all week didn’t bother me at all. We did some rock climbing and carried a lot of firewood. Oddly, when I was driving about one hour from home my back started “killing......... more »

Q My daughter thinks I drink too much. She also thinks I work too hard. And, she thinks I spend too much money on her. She was a worrywart even as a young child, always having to take care of the family. If we were out walking on the beach she would have us move further away from the water to be sure we weren’t swep......... more »

Q I have come to realize that I am an unsuccessful perfectionist. I am guessing it started when I was a young girl. My room was always clean and organized, especially in comparison to my younger sister’s room. I have tried to maintain a perfect house with well-accomplished children. Now in my mid-50’s I am begi......... more »

Q Last week was a hard week at work. I manage a team of pretty tough construction workers. I have found that the best way to manage them is to invite them into my life, talk about their home life, and work as a team. Of course, I want them to like me. The problem is that I think I have lost control of the team. Likeni......... more »

Q As a 60-year-old woman I moved in with my now 88-year-old mother several years ago. Aging, she needed help. Since I was newly out of a divorce and a job, I decided to give it a try. My own children live in another State so I would be focused on mom. Of course there were concerns on my part. My teen years were frau......... more »

Q Three years ago my wife of fifteen years died in an auto accident. I have been having a most difficult time getting on with my life. Though others have tried to convince me otherwise, I feel guilty for her death. You see, she decided to take a trip to visit her parents who live out of state. She asked if I wanted to......... more »

Q I recently attended a memorial service for my mother. This is the same person who spent my early years convincing me that I was the reason for all her physical ills. The real trick was when she also convinced me that I too was ill…when I was not. I don’t know if she had the power of hypnotism or not, but her m......... more »

Q I am convinced my wife is messing with my mind. For example, if I ask her to do something and she agrees, she will often not follow through. When I question her, she says I never asked her. That is just one of many such examples of her behavior. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing it. I know we have had an understa......... more »

Q My 50-year-old son is a mess. He has been into drugs, alcohol, prison, and rehab three times. A few months ago he left his wife and went to the streets again. He keeps calling us for money…of course for drugs. When we decline, in order to press his point he constantly yells and swears at us and threatens to eith......... more »

Q I am a grandmother of two older elementary school age children. One of them seems to be coming out of control. My daughter and family only live a few blocks away and hence there is easy access between our two families. The oldest granddaughter has now entered puberty. The once charming little girl who could not ge......... more »

Q: I am currently going through a divorce that has gotten nasty. I am convinced my husband is simply trying to destroy my social and financial life. I am beginning to hate the man I once loved. I am conflicted about my feelings. Boy do I ever want to strike back hard! Strike Back   A: Dear Strike Ba......... more »

Q: I have had chronic neck pain for the past two years. I have been cleared medically but I have the pain every day. Even the heavy-duty opiate pain meds aren’t helping much anymore. Help. Pain in the Neck A: Dear Pain in the Neck: Assuming you feel confortable with the thoroughness of your medical worku......... more »

Q: My husband and I have been having quite a few arguments lately. How can I defend our children from the negativity? Megan A: Megan: Well…IT DEPENDS. Certainly if there are aggressive and scary fights, you have a lot to be concerned about. If the two of you cannot control yourselves, you may want to find a pr......... more »

Q: We are having some pretty conflicted times at work. I have tended to blame certain individuals for bringing drama into the workplace. While some employees certainly are drama kings and queens, I am beginning to wonder if this is really an issue of leadership? As a manager, whenever I try to talk to my boss, I just g......... more »

Q: As a mom I always seem to have time for others (family/friends), but not for myself. How do I create time for myself and not live like a martyr? Beth A: Perhaps the first thing to look at is where this comes from. Did you learn this independently or from your family system? Pretty good chance you were taught thi......... more »

Q: I realize that I am pretty perfectionistic…as was my mother, and her mother. Is this genetic? Cathy A: Since I am not a geneticist I am unaware of an exact “perfectionism gene”…but it actually would not surprise me. It would certainly be appropriate to consider perfectionism as a “trait”. While trait......... more »