It was June and I was a16-year-old getting ready to enter my sophomore year in high school. I made the decision to go to the try-outs the following day for football. I remember how hot the morning was there in the locker room where I received my helmet, pants, pads, and jersey with #11 on it. To say I was anxious was a......... more »

In Erich Maria Remarque’s 1931 novel, “The Road Back” (sequel to “All Quiet on the Western Front”), he follows a group of German soldiers home, as they try to reintegrate into civilian life after Germany’s surrender. They find everything changed—themselves, their friends, their family. When pushed to tell......... more »

Act 2 - The Ritual  5:30, post-meridian. Home, going nowhere. The coat comes off. The shoes come off. The fireplace goes on, or the breezeway door is opened. Settled. A chair. A view. No TV, no phone, no computer. A friend/family/lover. Or not. An empty stomach. More about that in a minute. My Friday martini is ......... more »

With this blog I am hoping to provide a comparative perspective on aging, using my own experiences, my research and the work of others on the anthropology of aging. I plan to explore how other cultures approach the task of growing old, the statuses and roles of older members in non-Western societies, and ultimately, ho......... more »

Q I have two adult siblings. My older brother has always been “out there” when it comes to fitting into society. He is part hippy, part pothead, part intellect, and part narcissist. Frankly I have not enjoyed being around him for many years now. He has lived several states away and that has been just fine with me.......... more »

Act One – Prologue There are certain sins that one can only appreciate when one reaches a certain maturity. An ice-cold, straight-up, gin martini is one of them. The question is, can one forgive oneself? Can God? I was raised in a church where I was taught that one drink of alcohol would send you to the fires o......... more »

In our first Power of Philanthropy article, we talked about some ways in which the power of philanthropy is changing the quality of life for those on the receiving end. Now we’d like to talk about the very substantial benefits to those that are on the giving end of these philanthropic efforts. In past blogs we talked......... more »

Q I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago. At first, I took the recommend medication (lithium). Everyone around me says it helped my moodiness and erratic behavior, but I didn’t like how it made me feel. I felt kind of flat and I gained some weight. My husband thinks I should go back to my doctor and......... more »

You've probably heard the saying "siblings are your first friends." They are how you learn to play well with others, how to share, and how to fight and make up. As your parents age, they share the challenges of caring for aging parents. When your parents are gone, they are the ones with whom you share memories of your ......... more »

I started to write the blog I intended to write this month about “good” communication, and then stopped. As the list of “bad” communication techniques suggests, communicating well takes focus and effort, often requiring that we override our automatic tendencies to “get” others to either see things our way o......... more »

Q Ain our relationship. We are looking forward to retirement in two years but are in conflict over the next place to live. He wants to travel around the world like two hippies from the 60’s and I want to find a small cottage on the coast. Every time we try to discuss this we end up in an argument. I have no idea how......... more »

For many years, my clinical psychology practice served only men, sometimes with a woman in their lives. One glaring vulnerability often appeared in my conversations with older men. Men at midlife and beyond are often profoundly lonely.  Isolated.  Here is a typical conversation while getting acquainted with a man in ......... more »

At the moment I am sitting about 30 miles north of Kona, HI. It is a beautiful afternoon with the temperature about 80 degrees, a mixed-cloud sky, and a soft breeze blowing the palm trees. I feel very privileged to spend some time in this wonderful State during the winter. Even with all the laid-back mojo here on th......... more »

I’m pretty sure I’m going to stop being invited to social functions soon. People ask what I’m working on these days and inevitably the conversation turns to dying. The thing is, I’m really convinced that our Western end-of-life experience could be better, and I feel passionate about the fact that being able to ......... more »

The year was 1998. That was the year that I decided to ride by bicycle partway around the world. I was twenty years old and my best friend and I decided we needed an adventure. My friend Russ had already done a bit of traveling and we had both cycled locally but I had never taken on anything like this before. In fact I......... more »

Q I am a 40-year-old single mom and I have an energetic 4-year-old daughter. My daughter’s father lives in another state and is pretty much a deadbeat. He is of little help both financially and emotionally. There are so many times that I get exhausted with my combined work and parenting. I hate it when I yell at my ......... more »

Brains don’t like negative stress, so says the authors of a study, which was reported in the December 2014, edition of Psychology and Aging. The authors expected to find an association between so called cognitive decline and everyday memory problems being exacerbated by stress. One hundred and twelve people were s......... more »

Back in the 70”s, when the Japanese automakers began to seriously take market share as a result of their high levels of quality and dependability, we began to study their systems to see what was giving them such an advantage. Turns out that a major contributor was their deep commitment to statistical process control ......... more »

Q My wife of 35 years controls my life. She controls our money. She controls what our house looks like. She controls what I eat. She controls how I dress. She controls where we travel. She controls how I interact with our children. She controls our sex life. She controls what kind of car we have. She controls what col......... more »

Q I am a 46-year-old woman who is afraid to go to a job interview. I have been out of work for several months now. I actually am pretty skilled and have a decent resume. The problem is that as soon as I get into my car to go to an interview, I start to experience anxiety. The closer I get to the job site, the worse th......... more »

Often, we feel we can’t start writing because we are not inspired. Or we feel that we have become “flat” as writers when we look at what we have written. Here are 10 writing prompts inspired by the opening lines of novels, films and a short story. I believe that working from any of these prompts will allow you to......... more »

Q As a young girl my wife was exposed to sexual abuse. Apparently it occurred on a couple occasions. There are times now that she just shuts down to any physical touch. She will come home from work and just want to hibernate, not even wanting to be hugged. She says touch at that point can even bring physical pain to h......... more »

Every year I look forward to receiving the annual report from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation because it is always full of encouraging and energizing facts concerning recent trends in the world we live in. This year is no exception. The recent report is in the form of a progress report to Warren Buffet concern......... more »

In this four part series we have looked at some key elements of wine: acid, alcohol, and sugar. Lastly we come to bitterness and astringency. If you drink wine long enough you are bound to experience a wine so bitter that it feels like every surface of your mouth has been wiped dry with the world’s most moisture-abso......... more »

Several years ago I took two years of Chinese cooking classes. I even had two woks and was full of myself. In my first marriage, I even had a cooking island—it felt like a Benihana style restaurant. I had a married couple over for a seven course Chinese dinner and everything was going well. I was down to my last ‘h......... more »

Another cyclist died. Killed by a car. This cyclist was a brilliant 25-year-old teacher who led a group of cyclists on a cross-country trip to raise money for affordable housing projects. It happened on a Thursday morning in Oklahoma. The driver apparently reported to police that she had been looking down at her cell p......... more »

I returned a few weeks ago from a fun-filled week hiking on the coast with some buddies. While I have a history of back pain, carrying the heavy pack all week didn’t bother me at all. We did some rock climbing and carried a lot of firewood. Oddly, when I was driving about one hour from home my back started “killing......... more »

[Written 17 December 2016] My wife's mother just died two nights ago. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia quite a while ago, so . . . this was a surprise to none of us. I wasn't with her that night, but my wife – her eldest daughter – was. But it has made me think. About her mortality. And about my reaction......... more »

I admit it, I struggle to maintain my focus in the off season. I love racing and participating in events during the summer, but more than once last summer, it occurred to me that I could run faster or cycle longer if only I had worked harder in January or February. Here are a few tips to help you stay motivated in t......... more »

Q My daughter thinks I drink too much. She also thinks I work too hard. And, she thinks I spend too much money on her. She was a worrywart even as a young child, always having to take care of the family. If we were out walking on the beach she would have us move further away from the water to be sure we weren’t swep......... more »

February 8, 2017 It is 9:38 pm. Moments before sitting in my chair I was laying on the floor nose to nose with our 2-year-old golden retriever, Poppy. I have just completed 40 pushups and planked to the count of 80. I feel weaker than I did before my kidney surgery last October, but at the same time feel that I am slo......... more »

In past articles, Terry and I have talked about the importance of not keeping secrets, which can build walls between us. This would imply that telling the truth serves connection and closeness in relationships. Unfortunately, as with most things, this “ain’t necessarily so.” Sometimes the “truth” can drive......... more »

Q I have come to realize that I am an unsuccessful perfectionist. I am guessing it started when I was a young girl. My room was always clean and organized, especially in comparison to my younger sister’s room. I have tried to maintain a perfect house with well-accomplished children. Now in my mid-50’s I am begi......... more »

Low back pain is an epidemic in our modern day society. In 1 year, 36% of our population will suffer an episode of back pain.   Low back pain is the most common reason for general activity limitations and work absences in most of the world. The economic effects of low back pain are immense. And unfortunately, low bac......... more »

In “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye and Lazar Wolf joyously celebrate their agreement on Lazar’s engagement to Tzeitel by toasting, “L’Chaim”—“To Life!” Their duet goes on to playfully contrast the joys and sorrows of life, with the repeated exclamation that despite the times of confusion, sadness, or ......... more »

Q Last week was a hard week at work. I manage a team of pretty tough construction workers. I have found that the best way to manage them is to invite them into my life, talk about their home life, and work as a team. Of course, I want them to like me. The problem is that I think I have lost control of the team. Likeni......... more »

Having just completed my 70th year on this planet, I find myself in a reflective mood. What has mattered the most all these years? Can I offer anything useful to an 18-year-old about what lies ahead? Not that I’ve been asked, of course. But then, I don’t recall asking 70+ year-olds to answer that question when I wa......... more »

Several years ago, I started picking a word or phrase as a “theme” for the year to motivate my team to focus on what was most important and work toward a mutual goal. One year, the phrase involved “discipline and decisiveness” to help people stay on task and make decisions. Another year, the word was “account......... more »

Q As a 60-year-old woman I moved in with my now 88-year-old mother several years ago. Aging, she needed help. Since I was newly out of a divorce and a job, I decided to give it a try. My own children live in another State so I would be focused on mom. Of course there were concerns on my part. My teen years were frau......... more »

I admit it, I struggle to maintain my focus in the off season. I love racing and participating in events during the summer, but more than once last summer, it occurred to me that I could run faster or cycle longer if only I had worked harder in January or February.           Here are a few tips to help you stay m......... more »

Q Three years ago my wife of fifteen years died in an auto accident. I have been having a most difficult time getting on with my life. Though others have tried to convince me otherwise, I feel guilty for her death. You see, she decided to take a trip to visit her parents who live out of state. She asked if I wanted to......... more »

I recently went to our local food co-op in search of some apples. Not only did I find myself confronted with about ten large baskets of different varieties, but also within each basket were various shades and sizes of that same variety. With so many choices what is a guy to do? Without much conscious choice I found ......... more »

Outer story, the physical world, is also its own effect, its own reaction, its own comment. Outer story shows us things, and as the outer story grows and gathers, we can begin to see the constellations of our meanings. There is no need to comment on each facet of a scene. The sunset went from yellow to purple in a mome......... more »

Q I recently attended a memorial service for my mother. This is the same person who spent my early years convincing me that I was the reason for all her physical ills. The real trick was when she also convinced me that I too was ill…when I was not. I don’t know if she had the power of hypnotism or not, but her m......... more »

An important four-year longitudinal study done by a group of scientists from England, and reported in the esteemed BMJ, found that subjective (perceived) wellbeing and enjoyment has the positive effect of extending our life on an average of 7.3 years. Mortality was inversely associated with the number of occasions on w......... more »

Many people focus on New Years’ Resolutions and end up feeling disappointed in themselves and depressed by St. Patrick’s Day (or sooner) because they have fallen short of the lofty goals they set for themselves. Instead of (or before) focusing on New Years’ Resolutions, I think it is helpful to take a look back o......... more »

Q I am convinced my wife is messing with my mind. For example, if I ask her to do something and she agrees, she will often not follow through. When I question her, she says I never asked her. That is just one of many such examples of her behavior. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing it. I know we have had an understa......... more »

Between holiday parties, family feasts, and gift baskets, it is really difficult to avoid temptation over the holidays. It seems like chocolate and cookies and treats are everywhere. There is a tendency to think that a little treat here and there won’t hurt and that you can just shed whatever weight you gain in Janua......... more »

The Holidays are in full swing, which means nights filled with eating, drinking and celebrating. The question is, what to drink? For many, regarding wine, this decision is simple. Just buy the cheapest recognizable label. However, for wine lovers or even just “wine likers” this decision can be a bit more confusi......... more »

This month began with my 55th birthday. I anticipated this milestone with some anxiety, because it was at Christmas, 1970, that my grandfather died of a heart attack while on a business trip to Galesburg, Illinois. I was 9. That Christmas morning, I opened his final present to me, a beagle puppy that we named “Mitzi.......... more »